Unconventional World Records

The Hottie and the Nottie, released in February this year, directed by Tom Putnam and starring Paris Hilton received “exceedingly negative reviews across the board,” including from top online movie review sites.

In April 2008, the film is ranked number 1 in the seminal guide to movies, Internet Movie Database (IMDb) bottom 100 (rating of 1.1 out of 10). That means, out of the hundreds of thousands of movies from almost 100 years of motion picture history, this is the pits, the absolute worst of the worst.

In the same month, Rotten Tomatoes said a mere 5% of critics gave the film positive reviews, out of 55 reviews.

Metacritic reported that it scored 6 out of 100 (17 reviews), meaning “extreme dislike or disgust.”

IGN gave it a 0 star review: “Hottie and the Nottie presents a problem because there are just no words to adequately express how clumsy, trite and deeply offensive it is from start to finish.”

Rolling Stone gave half a star: “the half-star was because it takes guts (or gross dim-wittedness) [for Hilton] to appear on screen again after House of Wax.”

You could be forgiven if you think reviews do not usually match the general public’s reception, but in this case, you’d be wrong: it was a total box office failure, a massive bomb. The movie’s collection on opening day was a mere USD9,000. It grossed only USD27,696 on its opening weekend. If you think that’s not too bad, consider the fact that it opened in 111 theatres! That means each theater only collected an average of USD249, meaning only 28 persons seeing the movie per theatre on its opening weekend, or only 4 PER showing!

Watch how the movie get bashed by top movie review TV show Ebert & Roeper (movie trailer follows):

Click here to see the video

The World Is Not Enough (1999) was the 19th Bond film. In it, Denise Richards played Dr. Christmas Jones, a nuclear physicist, Bond’s ally. She was reported to have said that she liked the role which was “brainy”, “athletic”, and had “depth of character, in contrast to Bond girls from previous decades.”

However, in 2008, Entertainment Weekly named her the worst ever Bond girl, an unlikely nuclear scientist who likes to wear tank tops and hot pants. Someone commented that “even Q didn’t have a gadget to help Bond escape from that disaster.”

A short video clip of her in action in the movie:

Click here to see the video

Made in 1962, Dr No was the first Bond film.

There’s a scene there where Ursula Andress, then 26, playing the role of Honey Rider, emerges from the sea wearing a bikini. She also has a knife strapped to her waist, and she’s holding 2 sea shells.

In 2003, that scene topped the UK’s Channel 4’s list of 10 sexiest scenes of all of film history.

Others say it’s iconic, and that Andress is the best Bond girl ever, in a UK Daily Mail poll published in February 2008. Malaysia’s Michelle Yeoh is rated the 7th best Bond girl.

The bikini was sold in an auction for US $61,500. Is a bikini worth that much, and is that scene as good as it’s touted to be?

You be the judge, check out that scene:

Click here to see the video

…as in movies that have been allowed to be publicly screened by the authorities.

“Comolot” is Malaysia’s first movie which deals with homosexuality. It’s written and directed by Amy Ikram Ismail, 24.

Homosexuality is illegal in Malaysia. The penalty ranges from a fine to 20 years’ imprisonment.

Apparently the movie was released in July 2007. It seems that you can’t actually buy this movie yet - you can only catch it at selected locations/dates.

It’s about Danial (played by newcomer Remy Ishak) who’s engaged to a girl named Juwita, who finally left her for his true love, Aiman (played by Ben Quariel).

There’s a scene there that’s quite shocking for Malaysian standards: Juwita goes to Danial’s place, and finds 2 mens’ jeans, condoms and KY Jelly in his bedroom. A bigger shock awaits here in the shower, when she finds Danial and Aiman there, naked, in erotic embrace.

The film also touches on religious sensitivities, when at the end, Aiman gatecrashes Danial’s wedding ceremony and the two of them holding hands as they enter a car, and share a kiss inside it.

I think it’s safe to say that Yusof Haslam will never ever direct a film, let alone write the script, for a film like this.

I can sense a revival in Malaysian moviemaking, with the advent of people like Yasmin Ahmad, Osman Ali and Amy Ikram Ismail.

Here’s some trailers of the movie:

Click here to see it

Both are from the movie Ibu Mertuaku (My Mother-in-Law), a 1962 film directed by and starring Malaysian silver-screen legend, the late Tan Sri P. Ramlee. The plot revolves around a tragic love affair between Kassim Selamat (played by P Ramlee), a poor musician, and Sabariah (played by Sarimah), the only daughter of Nyonya Mansoor, a wealthy matriarch (played by Mak Dara). The movie starts out as a light-hearted romantic comedy, but during the last half hour turns into a dramatic tragedy.

This film is one of the greatest Malaysian film ever made, containing many evergreen songs and the infamous eye-stabbing-with-forks scene, which has been censored in later editions.

Mak Dara (1907-1970), playing Nyonya Mansoor, the mother in law from hell delivers a flawless performance and steals the show in every scene she’s in. Later, she recalled in various documentaries that upon the release of the film, the impact of her performance was such that random people would stop her in the streets to berate or spit on her.

Here, she utters the immortal line(s):

Click to see the movie clip

Some movies are done only for the fun of it. Hence, amateurish mistakes are common. But others are of a totally different category - they are done to be sold and to gain profit; they are commercial products. That means, as consumers, we have certain expectations to its quality.

Hence, I’d like to read what you have to say about this particular scene of a local (Sabah, Malaysia) movie entitled “Jovitah” produced in 2004. It has the worst editing in a movie I have ever seen.

The bottom line is, would you buy it?

Click to see the video extract

Eddie Murphy plays multiple characters in one of the most hilarious dinnertime scenes in movie history in The Nutty Professor (1996), where all social taboos are broken in a mere few minutes. The dialogue is fast and furious, so here’s a transcript of that particular scene courtesy of script-o-rama:

- There’s nothing Iike being with family!
I am hungry. Come on now.
- Carla, where are you from? - Chicago.
- Oh, Chicago! We have family there. - Windy City, huh?
I was workin’ on a skyscraper in Chicago once and my lunch blew off the 7th fIoor.
Yeah, I figure your fat ass would remember somebody’s sandwich flyin’ off a building.
- Oh, baby, eat some bread.
Miss Purty, are you and Sherman havin’ relations?
- That’s a good question. - Uh, no, Grandma.
It’s not like - like that. We’re colleagues.
- Oh. - We just work together.
That’s how it start out - colleagues.
Me and your grandfather were colleagues. Next thing you know he’s on top of me in the shed, pumpin’ and a-sweatin’.
- It’s not like that. - Will you hush up?
You never brought a girl home. The least you can do is let us talk to her.
Yeah, I’d like to get to know her a little better myself.
Ain’t nothing wrong with havin’ relations. Don’t be ashamed of that.
Relations is beautiful. When I was young I used to always have relations. Every night, if a nice gentleman bring me flowers and candy, take me to a movie, show me a lovely evenin’, then I would take him home and give him hot, lovely relations. Relations is a beautiful thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Especially two young peopIe.
- That blowhole. - Cletus!
- Sometimes when I’m alone, I relate to myself. - I can relate.
- Oh, Mama. - I don’t wanna hear this shit whiIe I’m eatin’.
- Cletus! - I’m gonna kill you later.
- Carla, do you like children? - Yes. Oh, that’s wonderful.
I can’t wait for Sherman to bring me home some grandbabies. I know you’re gonna enjoy making them babies. Got those childbearing hips.
- Baby’ll pop right out.
Your family got any money? I ain’t payin’ for no big-ass wedding.
I know a wonderfuI minister. What religious background are you?
I still got my wedding dress. If you want it, I’ll take it in. You’d look so lovely in it. It’s white, though. Can you wear a white wedding dress, young lady? Now, Sherman, you can wear a white tuxedo. ‘Cause you know Sherman - Sherman has never had relations.
Mama, you gonna embarrass my baby.
- I hope you got a strong back. - Oh, look at my baby blushin’.
When you get all that man, and release all that that’s been built up… for years - Just wantin’ and wantin’ and wantin’! Whoo! Might make your head blow off.
Pop goes the weasel!
I got my own self hot tellin’ that story.
Pop goes the weasel, ’cause the weasel say “”pop”"!
You gonna get married here or in Chicago?
Do you cook? ‘Cause somebody’s got to feed my Sherman.
Yeah, I know a wonderful church down there on Main Street, but they won’t marry you if you’re a lesbian.
Not that I have anything against lesbians. I love lesbians.
- Lesbians is cooI. - There’s nothing wrong with a little bingo. A little cunnilingus ain’t never hurt nobody.
- Why is it the woman always gets the choice where they’re gonna be married? - Tradition.
Tradition, my ass! I ain’t gonna pay for everybody flyin’ to no Chicago!
- You know how much plane tickets cost? - You cheap bastard.
We’re gonna have to drive down there.
I’m not driving over to Chicago.
* Sherman gonna have relations *
- My baby’s not gettin’ married-
There you go again, poppin’ off gas in front of this lovely young lady.
We’re trying to have a meal. Put that brake on this gas.
I hope your ass turn into a frog.
- Don’t nobody want to hear your flatulence, Cletus Klump.
You’re such a disgrace!
- I stopped hoIding my gas a long time ago. - You spoiled the dinner!
- Say one more word-

Watch the video

Rambo: First Blood (1982): Bring in the chopper (helicopter)! -> Bawa kapak!

Goodnight, cutie pie. -> Selamat malam, kuih manis

Serial killer -> pembunuh bijirin (cereal killer)

Star Wars (?): We are approaching light speed (?) -> kami tengah menuju halaju ringan

A war movie: Duck! -> Itik!

Another war movie: Fire! -> Api!

Romancing the Stone -> Berasmara Dengan Batu

Saving Private Ryan -> Simpanan Peribadi Ryan

Hi Babe -> Hi Bayi

I mean business -> saya bermaksud perniagaan

On comedy sitcom How i Met Your Mother, a character says “Cheap Trick” (the name of the US band playing on the jukebox) is translated as “Helah Murahan”

…and did you hear the one about how Sly Stallone spoke Bahasa Malaysia in Judge Dredd: I am the law -> Ayam Telor

source

I think it was said by Michelle Pfeiffer in 1983. The movie is Scarface (1983) where the F-word is said more than 200 times, mostly by Al Pacino. At one point, Michelle Pfeiffer’s character was so fed up at this that she uttered, in an extremely disgustful tone, one of the greatest lines in movie history:

Can’t you stop saying fuck all the time?

The following clip shows all (or almost all) the F-words said in that movie, and at 1:02 you can see how Michelle Pfeiffer said her infamous line.

Watch the video

It’s from an episode entitled Arena of Star Trek: The Original Series where Captain Kirk fights a Gorn. It was first broadcast in January 1967.

In Star Trek universe, the Gorn are “intelligent reptilian humanoids from the Gorn Hegemony.”

According to wikipedia:

Despite limitations in make-up technology which made it obvious the Gorn Captain (Agave) in “Arena” was simply an actor (Bobby Clark was the actual actor in the suit) in a lizard suit (see picture), the Gorn has nonetheless become one of the most popular aliens to ever appear on Star Trek due to the striking design of Wah Chang and the Gorn’s memorable personality: a hissing, slow-moving beast, the Gorn is nonetheless quite devious, chuckling wickedly to himself as he sets a trap for Kirk and promising that if the captain gives himself up, the Gorn will make his death “merciful and quick.” “Arena” is also considered one of the series’ classic episodes and was the template for a similar, critically acclaimed episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation entitled “Darmok”.

The following clip shows the duel, and if anything, this has got to be the slowest fight scene ever.

Watch the clip