UNCONVENTIONAL WORLD RECORDS

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

source

Tags: letter, writing

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My brother participated in a Battle of the Bands music competition in 1997. The organisers promised great prizes, even for consolation category prizes.

His group got 3rd place.

But all they got was this lousy, cheapskate trophy. (more…)

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What makes this even more special is the fact that it was taken on good old film – I had no way of knowing how the final result would turn out. Only one shot of taken of this particular scene, and it turned out well, perfect to me.

Date: August 1993

Title: “Anarchy”

Place: somewhere in Sabah, Malaysia

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It seems someone got a brilliant idea to change a particular letter in a huge billboard by the roadside.

Possibly a bored commuter driving by the same spot every day, while being stuck in traffic, turned his or head to look, and after a while an evil grin appeared across that person’s face, and returned to the same spot later in the night to do his/her misdeed.

Definitely the folks at Ace Insurance won’t like it one bit, and I must say I’m a bit miffed too, because I think the company has very good child life insurance policies on offer.

Pics courtesy of Rita Mohd Sharif. (more…)

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This blog is updated less than 10 times in a year, and has mind-boggling entries like “Scratching my knee,” which says simply:

My knee had a slight itch. I reached out my hand and scratched the knee in question. The itch was relieved and I was able to continue with my activities.

But it still received an astounding 519 comments. (more…)

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Unintentional humour perhaps, but if your business is running a nursery and its name is Mole Station Native Nursery, would you intentionally choose the domain name molestationnursery.com?

The same goes to Pen is Mightier which became penismightier.com:

…and Therapist Finder which became therapistfinder.com

However, my favourite has got to be the website of a building firm based in Ontario, Canada which calls itself Mammoth Erection and promises: “No job too small, or too tall.”, hence the domain name mammotherection.com:

More wacky domain names / websites available at the programming-designs.com.

Tags: domain, websites, domain names

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The IRC transcript I found at crisscross.com

Apparently real – but seems to be too good to be true??

As for myself – fake or not, just enjoy the script

Originally in German, or so I’m told, way back in April 2005

More hilarious IM exchanges at bash.org

Tags: hacker, cracker

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The Sydney Morning Herald reported on 30th August 2006 that the latest IKEA catalog showed a pet dog on the inside cover appeared to have a human-sized penis.

Too late to stop it, already 175 million have been printed and sent to 35 countries.

“The dog seems to be enjoying the IKEA’s office furniture a little too much.”

Party poopers at IKEA’s PR dept says that “it’s just the dog’s leg” and that the pictures “have definitely not been tampered with.”

source

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Of all the chain emails I received everyday, this one takes the cake and actually made me forward it to others. So if you want your chainmails to be forwarded, you know what to do.

Read it at the source.

Tags: chain emails, chainmails

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Brad Yung has compiled a list of the 100 worst porn movie titles ever.

My personal favourite is: “SECRETARIA EJECUTIVA #1 – BROAD OF DIRECTORS”

..and no, I have not seen it.

source

Tags: porn, worst+porn+movie+titles

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The following is a letter from the wife of a sex maniac asking for help.

source: email

Tags: sex maniac

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“I was drying my car” was the excuse given by a Dutchman caught in Amsterdam in June.

The 27-yr old guy was driving at 108 kph (68 mph), 50 kph over the speed limit.

His car was still confiscated because he did not have his driver’s license with him.

source

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Feat: put car on top of a school building.

The pink car was covered with green question marks. It consisted of only a shell with no engine.

source

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What would you do if you arrive home, tired after the day’s work is done, looking forward to enjoy the new house with its fresh scents, brand new sofa and nice plasma TV, and find the kids happy and smiling?

Aaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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Updated 1st Aug:

Wedding of the year is not K-CT, it is Noor and Cik Wook Kundor. The only way for Datuk K to win that title is to marry Cik Wook…
————————————————————

[originally posted 25th July]

Some original jokes, or a variation of exisiting ones

Datuk K is too old to be driving a brand new Honda City, he should stick to driving a TZ Prado.

Datuk K made a big mistake, he thought a Honda City is cheaper than a TZ Prado, in the end it cost him millions.

Tags: Datuk+K, Siti+Nurhaliza

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As hedonistica said, It’s like they pulled somebody off the street and just threw her in the ring. At one point she even turns her back to the other boxer.

video:

http://www.hedonistica.com/2006/07/worst_boxer_eve.php

Tags: boxing, world’s+worst+boxer

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This was originally written by myself in April 2005 and passed on to friends. As far as I know, it has never been published before.

As usual, discretion is requested. Please do not read on if you’re easily offended.

There are some insider jokes here, of which background needs some explanation:

• Joseph Ruspin is currently working at a garment factory in Tuaran and lives in Kiulu. He has no fondness towards church activities.
• Benedict Andsunal is a local at Tamparuli.
• “apa bah kau cakap ini?” means “I don’t understand what you’re on about.”

———————————————————————————

Joseph Ruspin, 38 created history by being the first ever Asian Pope. Even more shockingly, he achieved the unprecedented feat of a non-priest, and an inactive church goer at that, to bypass even the favoured Cardinal Roberto Vidal of the Phillippines, let alone Bishop John Lee of the diocese of Kota Kinabalu.

Sources within the Vatican said that due to an administrative error blamed on a mentally unstable clerk at the Holy See, Joseph Ratzinger’s name was mistyped twice into the Vatican’s database, first as Joseph Ratruspin, then Joseph Ruspin. Adding to the confusion, due to the similarity of their names, not mentioning their appearances (although why the age difference did not make them realise their mistake is still a mystery), the ever-effective machinery at the Vatican rushed to send delegates to the hitherto obscure and sleepy Kampung Kionsom Baru to locate Mr Ratruspin, to the bemusement of the locals.

Trusted insiders told that Mr Ratruspin was indulging in his usual habit of participating in a drinking session, and that he was caught by surprise and immediately whisked off to a waiting Vatican-sanctioned helicopter on a connecting flight to Rome. His pleas for mercy went unheeded.

Back at the secret conclave, the obviously unimpressed Cardinal Bishop Joseph Ratzinger asked him immediately on his preferred papal name, upon which Mr Ratruspin blurted out: “apa bah kau cakap ini?” whom even the fluent-in-10-languages Cardinal could not understand. After frantic discussions among themselves, and frantic calls to the Malaysian Embassy in Rome, they managed to get an interpreter rushed over. After thinking for a good while, Mr Ratruspin created another historic moment when he uttered a name which has never been used as a papal name, Pope Benedict Andsunal I.

Needless to say, the mentally unstable employee was summarily sacked, Pope Benedict Andsunal I’s reign terminated after a mere few minutes, and the rightful Pope Benedict XVI was installed. All these went unnoticed by the 1.1 billion faithful which surely must have stared in desbelief at the sight of the unknown Pope appearing at the Vatican balcony.

AFP

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Setelah malas dengan AF, akhirnya saya ternanti-nanti hari Sabtu, kerana dia akan membawakan lagu teen angst yang bakal meletupkan pentas. Jika pentas tidak berasap, Faizal tidak layak jadi juara. Jika Faizal tidak top Hukum Karma AF3, I am very sorry.

Adakah Faizal akan:

• pakai wig seperti Felix?
• headbanging?
• terjun ke mosh pit yang disediakan khas?
• gunakan vokal satu octave lebih rendah Kurt seperti dalam TOTP?
• bertumbuk dengan Aznil kerana terlalu "get into character"?
• cipta sejarah AF: turun dari pentas, naik meja pengkritik dan menari di sana, seperti Bo Bice buat di American Idol?

Musim lepas impian saya tak kesampaian: Mawi menyanyikan Highway Star atau Enter Sandman.

Tags: Akademi+Fantasia, AF4, Faizal

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My pick would be this tattoo of a coconut tree next to a burger. What? A burger for a tattoo??? Who in their right mind would do that?

Rather than getting yourself tattooed with dubious designs, why not go for golf vacations, of course bringing your own golf equipment. Even if you don’t feel like lugging all those things, you can look out for golf galaxy stores on the destinations, where you can buy your golf clubs, shoes and other golf paraphernalia. In fact, they even have equipments for other sports like basketball: eg, basketball shoes.

Source

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From bad to worse.

After seeing his header saved by Buffon, then forced to pass by The Cup after being sent off, then being forced to apologise to the world for defending his family, then losing his fortune and forced to rely on a beat up car for transport, Zidane well and truly lost it when it refused to start one night.

Tags: zidane, headbutt

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Now you can create your own version of the Winchester Mystery House, complete with hidden chambers and disappearing staircases.

I dont think we can find such specialists in Malaysia, let alone in Sabah.

Or that our deeply superstitious masses would even approve of such a thing.

Truly, there is no such word as "gunsamang" in western society.

http://www.hiddenpassageway.com/

Tags: winchester+mystery+house

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If you want laughs go over to http://www.linguamatix.com/linguaweb/, then click on the FIFA world cup site.

I could not stop laughing at some of the results:

• "Fun and Games" became "Bukan Perkara Mudah"
• "Thuram shines as Zidane sets up dream finale" became "Thuram bersinar macam Zidane set-set atas penutup impian"
• "France provide a trio of aspirants, led by their lithe, graceful and lightning-quick striker, Thierry Henry." became "France bagi satu kumpulan tiga orang bagi aspiran, dipimpin oleh mereka lembut, sopan dan kilat cepat penyerang, Thierry Henry."

It reminds me of literal translations at subtitles at local movies.

Just shows that this field is still in its infancy.

Warning to Students: do NOT overly rely on this!!!

Tags: online+dictionary, English-Malay, dictionary, online

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Translation: meet Ronaldinho: Sodikin, 32, a local at Banjaran in Bandung, West Java, Indonesia, has a dream: to meet his idol Ronaldinho. Having a striking resemblance to the Brazilian superstar, he calls himself Ronaldikin.

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According to a serious scientific study done by UK’s Laughlab, the funniest joke in the world (well, at least in US, the UK and several other countries where the study is done) goes like this:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

There are more jokes in that site, with interesting insights like the kinds of jokes that people in different countries/cultures find funny.

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Of all the reviews on the movie, only the review by Anthony Lane at newyorker.com made me actually stop and read in its entirety. The review begins with:

The story of “The Da Vinci Code” goes like this. A dead Frenchman is found laid out on the floor of the Louvre. His final act was to carve a number of bloody markings into his own flesh, indicating, to the expert eye, that he was preparing to roll in fresh herbs and sear himself in olive oil for three minutes on each side. This, however, is not the conclusion reached by Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks), a professor of symbology at Harvard, who happens to be in Paris.
Questioned by Bezu Fache (Jean Reno), the investigating policeman at the scene, Langdon starts rabbiting about pentacles and pagans and God knows what. But what does God know, exactly? And can He keep His mouth shut?

From that paragraph, I knew I had to read the review till the end.

[Langdon] and Sophie visit a cheery old duffer in the countryside and spill every possible bean. In this case, the duffer is Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen), who lectures them on the Emperor Constantine and the Council of Nicaea, in 325 A.D. We get a flashback to the council in question, and I must say that, though I have recited the Nicene Creed throughout my adult life, I never realized that it was originally formulated in the middle of a Beastie Boys concert.

hahaha

Silas answers to Bishop Aringarosa (Alfred Molina), who in turn answers to his cell phone, his Creator, and not much else.

hehehe

The task of the Bishop and his hit man is to thwart the unveiling of what Teabing modestly calls “the greatest secret in modern history,” so powerful that, “if revealed, it would devastate the very foundations of Christianity.” Later, realizing that this sounds a little meek and mild, he stretches it to “the greatest coverup in human history.” As a rule, you should beware of any movie in which characters utter lines of dialogue whose proper place is on the advertising poster. (Just imagine Sigourney Weaver, halfway through “Alien,” turning to John Hurt and explaining, “In space, no one can hear you scream.”)

Ouch! LMAO.

Read the full review, it’s worth it.

[link] – i dunno how long this link’s gonna last, grab it while you can.

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University of St Andrew’s, Scotland, lets you take a peek at what could be. Just upload a pic of yourself and wait for the results.

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This has got to be one of the funniest ever live TV bloopers. It was shown live on the BBC’s News24, a British 24-hour news channel on Monday 8th May: Guy Goma mistaken to be Guy Kewney.

Guy Goma is black, clean shaven and speaks English with a French accent

Guy Kewney is white and bearded

According to Mr Kewney’s blog, Guy Goma is not a cabbie as initially reported, but rather a Business Studies graduate from the Congo, and he was there in reception because he was applying for a high level IT job with the BBC. And apparently Mr Goma assumed the whole thing was some kind of initiation prank.

ShaolinTiger described the essence of the story very well.

Click here to see the video

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The current world record is 8:58 using “normal air,” although freedivers breathing on pure oxygen can last up to 15 minutes.

David Blaine recently “only” managed 7 minutes, but that is while attempting to free himself of chains.
How long can you hold your breath? 1 minute? 30 seconds?

If you want to break the world record, or at least improve your own record, bbc provides some tips.

I am having flashbacks of the movie “Big Blue” now, it’s a highly recommended movie on diving. Click the image below for more info on the movie:

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Of all the boring SIGs in the world, this could be the most interesting to join. (more…)

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How would you like to go to such a conference? It will be held in San Francisco, 8-9th June 2006. Cost per person about RM1,600.
(more…)

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That’s right, zero reflection. I wonder, would that make it invisible?

(more…)

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After that USD26,000 real estate business investment milestone in 2004, now a cash card that allows gamers to spend money earned virtually has been launched. The card can be used at cash machines around the world to convert virtual dollars into real currency.

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Jurors at his federal fraud trial got a glimpse at his lavish lifestyle, including homes in Aspen, a vacation on the French Riviera and $20,000 spent on antiques in Spain.  (more…)

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Forget “Gam Gajah”, Duck Tape or whatever, I want my caulobacter-crescentus glue!

It can withstand a force felt by a quarter with more than three cars piled on top of it! That’s two to three times more force than the best currently commercially-available glues can handle.

And it works on permanently wet surfaces.

Possible application: as a biodegradable surgical adhesive.

Scientists trying to make it have encountered a practical problem: how to take it off. It sticks to absolutely everything, including the tools used to create it, and cannot be washed off.
ref:

yahoo.com

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Finally, Wile E Coyote catches the Road Runner.

This one was uploaded by Lafacukur, an edited version of the debut Coyote & Road Runner cartoon, Fast and Furry-ous, with an edited ending. The Latin American press reported that this was “made by an animator by request of a Japanese millionaire that was sick of never seeing the Coyote succeed.”

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It had to happen.

The backlash against friendster, myspace, Yahoo 360, orkut, LinkedIn and other social networking sites is getting hip.

(more…)

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…in a project dubbed The Goliath Expedition.

As of 4th April, he‘s in trouble with the Russian authorities, after walking 58 miles over Bering Strait, the frozen sea.

Even Phineas Fogg wouldn’t even consider this stunt.

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via /. and the washington post
irhabi = terrorist

real name: Younis Tsouli

occupation: Al-Qaeda’s top hacker

age: 22

base: West London

skills: web defacement, web cracking, anonymous browsing, hacking, programming, executing online attacks, mastering digital and media design, stealing creditcard info etc (more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

via /.:

A team of Japanese and German scientists broke the old record of 1.28TBps held by another team of Japanese scientists.

That’s equivalent to 60 DVDs!
This, of course is in R&D mode. The current highest commercially-available speed is 50 times slower i.e. 40Gbps.

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It’s the RedShark v2 by rin3y

It’s a car audio storage system made up of the following components:

• A Linksys NSLU2 Network Storage Link, an embedded Linux box. It boots a variant of Debian called OpenDebianSlug from a 1 GB USB memstick. It runs MPD (Music Player Daemon), which provides socket-based control over playing music, creating playlists ++. (more…)

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as claimed by Dell with its XPS 600 Renegade

among the specs

• 4 x GeForce 7900 GPUs combined to give 2GB dedicated graphics memory [apparently the first time ever this was showcased - using NVIDIA Quad SLI technology]
• 1 x Intel Pentium D Extreme Edition (dualcore) “factory overclocked” to 4.26GHz
• 2 x Western Digital 10K RPM hard disks at RAID0, plus another 400GB 7200rpm hdd
• 2GB Dual Channel DDR2 RAM
• 30″ flatpanel monitor
• dual DVR+-RW drive + another DVD ROM drive
• the highest end speakers + soundcards

…and last but not least……autographed by Michael Dell himself!

Cost? USD10,000

not available for sale in Malaysia

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Bob Rivers turned Aerosmith’s classic “Janie’s got a gun” into “Cheney’s got a gun“.

• Streaming version
• MP3 downloadable version
• Full downloads page

The lyrics are somewhat similar to this.

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Now the guys at secondsphere.com has created a flash game about Mr Tamahori’s sexploits.

I got up to $400 before I got nabbed.

Scandalously fun.

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Above: Milla Jovivich as Joan aka Jeanne D’Arc in the movie
Rib bone and some skin  supposedly retrieved from the pyre on which she was burnt 3 times to  be DNA tested.

She died of smoke inhalation at the stake in 1431 and was made a saint nearly 500 years later.

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If this can happen to the vice president of the United States, of course it can also happen to obscure Sabahan villagers shooting each other with bakkakuks!

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… at least in 2004 and 2005. Can’t find any data after those years.

The card’s face is a deep red foil, with “For the One I Love” across the top in black script, a large picture of a red rose in the center, and a thick black ribbon cutting through the middle. Inside, it simply states: “Each time I see you, hold you, think of you, here’s what I do … I fall deeply, madly, happily in love with you. Happy Valentine’s Day.” Outsold the average card 5 times in 2004 and 2005. Designed by Marcia Muelengracht.

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a letter took 20 years to arrive.

it only had to travel a few hundred kilometres.

Accoriding to The Star (Valentine’s Day edition)

HOW long does it take a letter from Ipoh to reach Petaling Jaya?

Well, Huang Jun Hui’s letter took almost 20 years to reach his childhood friend Chin Kon Shian.

Sin Chew Daily reported that Chin’s 62-year-old mother was shocked when she opened the letter dated Aug 12, 1986, with his permission.

The cover of the letter was torn when it reached Chin’s family.

According to the daily, Huang, who was then in Form Two, wrote the letter to invite Chin and his family to his parents’ birthday dinner at their house in Ipoh.

Huang, now 35, moved to Ipoh with his parents when he was eight years old.

Chin told Sin Chew that they had continued to write to each other but their correspondence never touched on the birthday party.

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I stopped playing computer/video games on a regular basis almost 10 years ago. My mantra was: “go out and play real games”

But after reading this, I might just change my mind.

Apparently it keeps the mind young.

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The Israeli Company Fluorinex Active has developed a new technology that can protect the tooth from cavities for 5 years with one simple electrical treatment.

Via /.

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…in Firehouse at least…
Oh, hi Greg…
I was kidding
Kidding? Kidding my ass!
You’re such a dick!
I like this song, Felix song
Tiada lagi kudengar kidungmu
For context of 1-4, you’d have to listen to this.
For context of 5-6, listen to Eggs website. (free registration reqd).

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